FIFA ruling on Suarez bite -- allowed to play on certain conditions

After review of the Luis Suárez biting incident during the Uruguay - Italy matchup on June 24, FIFA has decided to allow Suárez to play out the rest of the World Cup matches, with several stipulations. This has enraged both the world and Italian soccer community, who are calling his suspension.

"We cannot allow this animal to plague our community... influence the younger generation. He needs to be put down immediately!"

"Whoever thought of this punishment must really like Michael Vick," said an American.

Suarez will not be allowed to eat Italian food for at least a year.

The stipulations to Suárez's punishment are as follows:

1) Suárez will be fined $500,000, which will be distributed among FIFA officials, referees, and local animal shelters in Italy.

2) Suárez must wear a mask similar to that worn by character Hannibal Lecter in "Silence of the Lambs" for the duration of the Cup.

3) Suárez will not be allowed to eat Italian food for 1 year.

We imagine Suarez's goal celebrations to be more morbid for the rest of the World Cup.