The Cheapest Possible Housing in the San Francisco Bay Area

If you've ever tried to find a place to live in San Francisco, you might have noticed that it's incredibly expensive to find housing anywhere for a reasonable price. Due to the tech boom, the Bay Area now has one of the highest costs of living in the United States. Rent and housing prices have skyrocketed as tech worker salaries have increased and area cities have barred new housing developments.

As nearly impossible as it is to find a good place to live at a reasonable price in the city, we have found ways to find the absolute cheapest housing in San Francisco. These are the secrets that the greedy landlords do not want you to know.

The Mission District is one of the most popular places to live in San Francisco. But if you've tried looking for a suitable apartment, you might have noticed that they run in excess of $3000/month! That's a lot of coffee from the organic, free-trade, locally roasted coffee shop on the corner! What if there was a way to live in the Mission District without having to pay a dime in rent?

Meet the Rent Free SF movement. The movement, started by several college educated young adults, has established tent cities around the city. We took a visit to the tent city in the Mission District to ask how the living experience was.

"I love living here," said Adriana Macentyre. "I moved to SF about 2 weeks ago to start my new job as a barista at the coffee shop on Harrison Street. The wages are a lot higher here than San Leandro! I only needed to stop drinking coffee for 2 days to scrape together enough funds to buy my tent. I didn't want to have to commute as I don't have my drivers license and BART takes too long. Now I can afford to go to the same thrift shops my friends go to!"

"Tenderloin was an absolute mess," said Harold Newmeyer. "I had my shoes stolen the night I moved in. Now over here in the Mission District, that never happens (Harold was not wearing any shoes during this interview). Everyone here is so happy, it's almost like they are on drugs or something. Despite the occasional naked dude running around the place, I like it here better."

"I was paying half of the $5000 a month of the studio I was sharing with my 5 friends on Nob Hill," said Jillian Faller. "My dad stopped giving me money to live there so now we all live in the tents. He keeps telling me to get a job, but no one here appreciates my Art Deco Studies degree. But I got to say it's like we're camping every single day!"

Live free in San Francisco!
(Image Source: Jack Newton)

The group has not been without it's problems. Minor crime occurs within the tent cities, the most prolific being theft. Common items stolen include shoes, articles of clothing, gourd water bottles, and Macbook Pros. Several of the founders have left the tents as they "liked living homeless before it was cool." Mayor Lee has yet to make a statement on the group's existence, but landlords everywhere have been lobbying for the removal of the tents. The tents are expected to remain for a while though, as the locals seem to approve of their existence.

It's time to stop searching for the best deals on a deluxe studio. Stop bitchin and start pitchin! Live rent free today!

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College Girls realizing that they "Just Can't"

There is a new epidemic spreading throughout the nation affecting local college girls. Although not officially named anything yet, it's being referred to as "Just Can't" syndrome. Local college girls everywhere are being warned, as symptoms can appear at any moment without warning. This new epidemic is said to be even worse than being considered "basic". Although the syndrome is known to target those who are considered "basic" by their peers, individuals affected are likely to exhibit side effects such being incapable of leaving the house and not being able to function without the help of another person. These side effects primarily range from being "white girl wasted" and "too hung over from last night" to not being being able to take care of oneself.

Sometimes life just hits you like a freight train... other times it might be the liquor.
Image Source

If you think you could be at risk, common signs of "Just Can't" syndrome include:

• Not being able to pick out a pair of shoes: "So many shoes in my closet...I just can't."
• Unable to decide what to eat when 'hangry': "I'm just too hungry to make a decision... I just can't." 
• Can't decide which guy to date: "I just can't decide whether I want to be with David or John, so I guess I'll date both of them."
• Too lazy to do minor tasks: "No, I can't just hand you the remote, that would require me to actually sit up slightly and I just can't."

If you or anyone you know has been exhibiting any of the symptoms listed above or could be at risk, contact your physician immediately and seek care. Nobody wants to wait hand and foot on someone who just can't.

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Activision announces new Call of Duty title-- setting to deviate from all other CoD games

Activision announced it's newest Call of Duty title today, Call of Duty: Da Hood. In collaboration with Treyarch, the newest game is unlike any other Call of Duty title to date.

The game's story will take place in early 1990s Los Angeles circling the events around the time of the 1992 Los Angeles riots. Treyarch tells us that campaign will take us to a variety of locations around the LA area including Watts, Long Beach, Compton, and Downtown Los Angeles along with other locations including Brooklyn, NY.

To make the change from special ops combat the game is known for, Treyarch has been working on new game mechanics. As any playable gangster faction, you'll now have the ability to hold your gun at an angle up to 90 degrees. Although the ability to dual wield weapons has been removed, Treyarch has mentioned that you'll be able to hold status boosters in your left hand, such as 40s, baseball bats, and bags of drugs.

"LA is burning... someone's gotta put the fire out."
Box art concept

The game will also have an extensive multiplayer as featured in previous titles. Playable multiplayer factions will include the LAPD, Bloods, Crips, The Avenues, the National Guard, and several unannounced. To fit the era, the killstreak rewards will not only be customizable, but will also be faction specific. Killstreak rewards are rumored to include tear gas, chopper gunners, drivebys, and "40 oz juggernaut".

It is rumored that the voice acting cast will consist of figures from previous Call of Duty titles including Ice Cube, Kiefer Sutherland, and Snoop Dogg. The game's soundtrack is to feature original scores along with hits from the era including songs from NWA, Tupac, Public Enemy, and Dr. Dre.

Critics have come at the announcement with mixed feelings, some praising the title for delving into a such an original and untapped part of modern history while others are shaming it, calling it offensive and racist. The game is expected to be given an M rating for violence, drugs and alcohol use, extreme language, gore, and nudity.

News of the new title comes days after EA announced Battlefield Hardline, which is also set around cops and robbers bank heist scenarios. Call of Duty: Da Hood is set for release in November 2015.

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Facebook Inc. to acquire Facebook Inc.

In a long line of acquisitions this past year, Facebook Inc. announced their latest purchase earlier today: themselves. In a stock buyback deal, Mark Zuckerberg and several top executives in the company will purchase all of the publicly held shares and become a private company once again. Zuckerberg announced that the company will be split among the company's top executives.

Facebook has purchased many big name tech companies in the last few years including Instagram, Oculus, and WhatsApp. After months of planning and decision making with the board of directors, Zuckerberg and executives at Facebook concluded that the next best company that they can acquire is their own.

"It was a mistake to offer my company to the public," said Mark Zuckerberg. "Although we have acquired other tech firms in the past year, I think holding onto our own will be the best long-term investment. We see a lot of potential in Facebook and have an even greater vision to enhance the social and commercial experience we can bring to our users."

Facebook went public last May with an IPO of $38 per share and market capitalization of $104 billion. Now nearly a year later, it's stock price has reached $63 per share with a total market cap of $164.5 billion.

The announcement of the buyback comes as Facebook Inc. posted $2.5 billion in ad revenue and over $600 million in profit for Q1 for 2014. Facebook is to pay $70 per share and plans to finalize multi-billion dollar the deal by next Tuesday.

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Arizona Diamondbacks offer pitching contract to 50 Cent

The Arizona Diamondbacks are seeking to sign 50 Cent as a new relief pitcher. After throwing out the first pitch before the Mets-Pirates game at Citi Field on Sunday, Curtis Jackson has been taking a lot of heat from fans for throwing "one of the worst first pitches in history". However, scouts for the Diamondbacks and manager Kirk Gibson see it differently.

The Diamondbacks are currently the 2nd worst team in baseball, boasting an unimpressive record of 21-33. Additionally they have the 2nd worst team ERA, just above the Minnesota Twins. "We need to improve our pitching staff," said Gibson. "We're losing too many games due to bad pitching. I've talked with our pitching coach, Mike Harkey, and we both think that Mr. Jackson would help us win some games. Plus he'd look better in a Diamondback uniform."

Curtis Jackson throws out the first pitch
(Image Source: Yahoo!)

Despite throwing one of the worst first pitches in baseball, Gibson believes that 50 Cent's unique pitching style and throw will confuse batters into swinging at balls way outside the strike zone.

"50 will give our bullpen some much needed strength. Plus many of our players, myself included, are fans of his music, so we'd get some free concerts out of this."

The contract calls for a 2 year deal which signs 50 Cent to the Diamondback's pitching staff and gives Coca Cola the rights to advertise Vitaminwater at Chase Field for the duration. The gain in sales and stock of Coca Cola products is expected to cover 50 Cent's return to the bank again with a proposed salary of $25 million.

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Soundtrack from Disney's "Frozen" Used in Effort to Reduce School Violence

In light of the recent spike in mass murders across the country, especially in places of education, the US Department of Homeland Security has created a new subdivision directed with the placation of America's youth. The new Department of the Innovative Correction of Kids has undertook a massive effort to permeate the musical market with uplifting, anti-introversion songs in an attempt to reach out to the unloved, unattractive, and rather disgusting loners that tend to have the highest chance of causing these great tragedies. Their first effort, in the form of the new Disney movie "Frozen", has already shown to be a great success in all areas without any recent cases of violence.

A list of mass shootings in the United States
(Source: Boston.com)

Frozen's soundtrack was chosen simply for it's popular, yet uplifting songs. Songs written for the movie, such as "Conceal Don't Feel", "Frozen Heart", and "Treason" were intended to empathize with those who feel betrayed and utterly alienated from the world. This was done as an attempt to get them interested in the other songs the soundtrack has to offer. Next, with their emotional wretchedness now exposed, the movie's most iconic song "Let it Go" forces the sad individuals to expel the parts of them that society hates and simply "let it go". This is followed by a dose of "Do You Want To Build a Snowman" in an effort to show that others around the troubled individual are searching for friends too. Finally, in an emotionally suggestive state, the movie fills them with uplifting songs which suggest that they too may possibly someday be loved; "Love is an Open Door", "For the First Time in Forever", and "Onward and Upward".

"The soundtrack from 'Frozen' has made our first campaign successful," said the Director of the Department of Innovative Correction of Kids. "We never expected this to work."

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Blue food coloring used to "Keep Tahoe Blue"

Documents seized in raids conducted by the FDA in the Lake Tahoe area have revealed numerous stockpiles of blue food dye being stored in the area. Investigators were called to the scene when residents noticed members of the environmental group "Keep Tahoe Blue" transporting barrels filled with a powdery blue substances to different warehouses around the lake.

Lake Tahoe has been the subject of many environmental debates, especially with the booming tourism industry. Many new buildings have been proposed to capitalize on the boom, but many companies trying to construct more buildings around the lake have been blocked by protest.

Investigators believe that many new casinos in development around the south part of the lake were allowed to be built due to secret agreements made with the environmental watchdog group. To mitigate the pollution and prevent protests created by construction activity, the casino offered the group kickbacks and blue food coloring. The dye is similar to that used to turn the Chicago River green for St. Patrick's Day festivities and believed to be food grade safe. Sources claim that the dye was still being tested had not been deployed yet. "Keep Tahoe Blue" board and staff members are currently under investigation.

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Alarming pesticide usage causes vapor from squirting orange peels to ignite

Be careful when handling oranges. Recent viral videos are appearing showing people squeezing orange peels and igniting the vapor that comes out of them. Due to the immunity that invasive insects and weeds have gained to traditional pesticides and herbicides over the last decade, farmers have had to use new chemicals and more of them to keep the crops safe.

Some of the newer chemicals used in these products have been known to leech into the soil and get picked up by the plants themselves. With orange groves in Florida, one of these newer pesticides, which goes by the trade name "Nymph-be-Gone", is raising alarm. Used to keep orange nymphs away, the pesticide has been found within orange peels themselves. The active ingredients in the pesticide combine with the compounds and oils found in the peels to create a flammable mixture. The FDA is assembling a task force to explore this phenomenon to determine whether continued use of "nymph-be-gone" causes any immediate or long term health risks. The creator of "Nymph-be-Gone", Raid-X Farming Supplies, has yet to release a statement.

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Variant of "Knockout Game" targets those with nose piercings

A warning to all those who have a pierced septum: a new form of the "knockout game" is gaining popularity in US cities. Now unofficially known as "Grabbing the Bull", several attacks have been reported in the San Francisco Bay area, Portland, Seattle, and other major metropolitan areas.

The object of the game is simple, according to bystanders we talked to. First the game participant locates a person with a septum piercing, or "bull ring" as the game is named after. The attacker jumps on the victim's back and grabs hold of the piercing with both hands. The goal of the game is to "ride the bull" as long as possible without being thrown off. Victims of the game have suffered from injuries including  cuts, bruises, broken bones, sore back, and fractured ankles. In some cases, victims have had their piercing ripped off as their attacker is thrown off. Although no reported deaths have occurred from the game, nearly 60% of all victims have ended up in the hospital.

If you have a piecing like this, you might be in danger.
(Image Source)

"I had to take my friend to the hospital today after she got attacked. Some big dude jumped on her back and she couldn't handle him," said the friend of a victim, who's name we withheld. "I hope she doesn't get attacked again after she recovers."

Unlike the "Knockout game", "Grabbing the Bull" does not require a cameraman to take video of the action, meaning few perpetrators have been caught so far. Police are on high alert and advise anyone who has a septum piercing to avoid being out in public or to remove it until the game loses popularity.

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How many days should you wait before eating your bagel? -- Exclusive Interview

The bagel has been part of a delicious breakfast for decades. But how old should your bagel be before you bite into it? We brought in Bernie Hughes, owner of Hughes Bagels in Chicago and Marty Goldman, a finance director in Newark, NJ to weigh in on the question.

Poopbus: "Welcome to Poopbus, Bernie and Marty, it's a pleasure to have you into the studio. Let's start with Bernie. As a bakery owner, how long do you think people should wait before eating their bagels?"

Bernie: "This is an easy question. People should enjoy bagels as fresh as they can! Nothing beats a bagel fresh out of the oven!"

Poopbus: "Marty, same question."

Marty: "As a long time connoisseur of bagels, I personally think people should wait at least a day or two before chowing down. It's best to toast them before enjoying and I like to top with cream cheese and occasionally lox."

Bernie: "Nonsense Marty! A bagel is best when it is fresh! You should never think about toasting them. I only do that because I can charge people more at the store."

Marty: "Exactly my point Bernie. My strategy is to stockpile the day old bagels my local bakery sells for half price. I keep them out for 5 days, but after that I stick them in my freezer for a rainy day. I never go hungry for breakfast."

Bernie: "Oh I see what kind of person you are...... You're one of those moochers that clean my shelves after a day of waiting. I bet you'd take bagels out of my dumpster if you could!"

Marty: "Well I'm not the one who sells bagels for a living. You live in a smelly apartment while I live in a luxurious condo."

Bernie: "Who are you calling smelly, cheapskate??!?!"

It was at this point we had to stop the interview as it had turned uncivil. How old should your bagels before eating them? We don't know.

Stay tuned for the next interview from Poopbus.com

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