There is a new epidemic spreading throughout the nation affecting local college girls. Although not officially named anything yet, it's being referred to as "Just Can't" syndrome. Local college girls everywhere are being warned, as symptoms can appear at any moment without warning. This new epidemic is said to be even worse than being considered "basic". Although the syndrome is known to target those who are considered "basic" by their peers, individuals affected are likely to exhibit side effects such being incapable of leaving the house and not being able to function without the help of another person. These side effects primarily range from being "white girl wasted" and "too hung over from last night" to not being being able to take care of oneself.
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Sometimes life just hits you like a freight train... other times it might be the liquor.
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If you think you could be at risk, common signs of "Just Can't" syndrome include:
- Not being able to pick out a pair of shoes: "So many shoes in my closet...I just can't."
- Unable to decide what to eat when 'hangry': "I'm just too hungry to make a decision... I just can't."
- Can't decide which guy to date: "I just can't decide whether I want to be with David or John, so I guess I'll date both of them."
- Too lazy to do minor tasks: "No, I can't just hand you the remote, that would require me to actually sit up slightly and I just can't."
If you or anyone you know has been exhibiting any of the symptoms listed above or could be at risk, contact your physician immediately and seek care. Nobody wants to wait hand and foot on someone who just can't.
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