California "Water Cops" Fine Zuckerberg over "Ice Bucket Challenge"

Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg has been issued a $500 fine for his recent stunt, according to Palo Alto Police reports. Zuckerberg recently posted a video of himself pouring a bucket of ice over his head as part of the "Ice Bucket Challenge", in which challenged users must pour a bucket of ice water over their head or donate $100 to charity.

"In the midst of this terrible drought, we cannot have people wasting precious water," said a spokesmen for the California State Water Resources Control Board. "Mr. Zuckerberg has been fined because it was not his day to water his lawn."

The Challenge requires participants to get really cold

The water board has issued a statement to all California residents, urging them to not waste buckets full of ice water on frivolous stunts unless they wish to pay more to the state.

"I think it's dumb that the water board is going after people for pouring buckets of ice water on their head instead of going after the real problems. It sounds like they just need to chill out."

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"Black Zinfandel" added to "2 Buck Chuck" varietal lineup

A new varietal is on the market to challenge the supremacy of White Zinfandel. Check your local Trader Joe's this week for the arrival of Charles Shaw "Black Zinfandel". Called an experiment gone wrong by winemakers at Bronco, Black Zinfandel (or Black Zin) is set to shake California wine once again.

"We tried hard to make a drink comparable to one of our best selling varietals, and although our first attempts failed miserably, we found a formula that resulted in accidental success."

Black Zin has got the public raving, some calling it "the wine we really needed back in 1975."

"I love White Zin but I'm afraid that after I try Black Zin, that I won't be able to go back to drinking White Zin ever again."

"I'm glad someone stepped forward and created a wine to be equal to White Zinfandel," said a liberal arts professor at UC Davis. "We cannot be equal as a society without a separate varietal for colored persons."

Wine critics were not impressed by the new varietal.

"It's purely a marketing stunt. There is no difference between White and Black Zin. They just added coloring to it to make it look dark. That isn't going to stop people from buying it though."

Industry experts predict other wineries will experiment with making this new varietal, but for now, they will be watching to see how well it does on the market.

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French National Team Manager to Nigerian Manager: "Go back to Africa"

Following the finale of the France versus Nigeria match in the round of 16, it has been reported that the banter exchanged between the two managers was not so friendly. Reporters from the field state that Didier Deschamps has been quoted saying these menacing words to Nigerian manager Stephen Keshi.

"Prenez votre équipe à la maison et nous vous verrons dans quatre ans."

Which roughly translates to "Take your team back to Africa."

Image Source: mustapha_ennaimi

There is no word if FIFA will be opening a case to investigate this possible act of racism.

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FIFA ruling on Suarez bite -- allowed to play on certain conditions

After review of the Luis Suárez biting incident during the Uruguay - Italy matchup on June 24, FIFA has decided to allow Suárez to play out the rest of the World Cup matches, with several stipulations. This has enraged both the world and Italian soccer community, who are calling his suspension.

"We cannot allow this animal to plague our community... influence the younger generation. He needs to be put down immediately!"

"Whoever thought of this punishment must really like Michael Vick," said an American.

Suarez will not be allowed to eat Italian food for at least a year.

The stipulations to Suárez's punishment are as follows:

1) Suárez will be fined $500,000, which will be distributed among FIFA officials, referees, and local animal shelters in Italy.

2) Suárez must wear a mask similar to that worn by character Hannibal Lecter in "Silence of the Lambs" for the duration of the Cup.

3) Suárez will not be allowed to eat Italian food for 1 year.

We imagine Suarez's goal celebrations to be more morbid for the rest of the World Cup.

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The 7 Best Afros of the World Cup

Aside from the many surprises during the games of the 2014 World Cup, it also brought us many many players with unique hairstyles. From the African players styling mohawks to the Asian players going Super Saiyan, the hair is out there. Poopbus would like to acknowledge the select group of players who chose to grow out their hair long and bushy. Here are some of our favorite fros.

1) Marouane Fellaini -- Belgium

The classic afro, let's just hope Belgium doesn't win the World Cup so Fellaini keeps his hair.

Image Source: Erik Drost

2) Guillermo Ochoa -- Mexico

Ochoa likes to keep his business up front and party out of the back (of the net).

3) Marcelo -- Brasil

When Marcelo isn't knocking goals past his own keeper, he likes to style his doo.

4) Michael Bradley -- United States

Bradley's afro is one of the most mysterious, yet it never fails to draw attention from the crowds.

Image Source: Steindy

5) Dante -- Brasil

Dante has yet to make an appearance in these World Cup games,

leaving him more time to fix up his fro before the Finals.

Image Source: soccer.ru

6) Axel Witsel -- Belgium

A hairstyle inspired by his teammate Fellaini.

Image Source: Steindy

7) David Luis -- Brasil

White boy showing off his fro. It could use some work, but it's starting to get somewhere.

Image Source: Agência Brasil

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Clint Dempsey to wear eyepatch in match versus Portugal

The captain of the USA Men's National Team, Clint Dempsey, has announced he'll be wearing an eyepatch in his next contest versus Portugal. News of the decision comes days after suffering a broken nose in Team USA's first match against Ghana.

"I didn't want to wear a facemask because it doesn't look manly at all," said Dempsey. "However, an eyepatch will provide all the protection my face needs and it makes me look like a badass at the same time."

"...I'm coming for you, Ronaldo..."

The manager, Jürgen Klinsmann, tried to reason with Dempsey.

"We tried to talk him out of wearing that silly thing, but he just doesn't understand. This isn't a video game where an eyepatch gives you facial armor! Now he won't be able to see out of that eye either! How is he going to shoot with 1 eye and 1 nostril?"

The USA faces off against Portugal in their second game in Manaus on Sunday at 6:00PM Eastern Time.

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The 4 Dirtiest Beards of the World Cup

Continuing the Poopbus.com coverage of the 2014 FIFA World Cup, we bring you a list of some of the dirtiest beards we've witnessed during the World Cup games. Someone hand these guys a razor so they can look like Lionel Messi or any of the pretty boys on the German National Team.
1) Luis Gustavo -- Brasil

His beard makes him look like the kind of guy who can sell you something on the street corner.

Image Source: Agência Brasil

2) Georgios Samaras -- Greece

What happened Greece? Can your country not afford proper shaving equipment after going bankrupt?

Image Source: Steindy

3) Rui Patrício -- Portugal

Portugal's keeper needs to keep more than the ball in check.

Image Source: soccer.ru

4) Andrea Pirlo -- Italy

Jesus died and resurrected in the form of Pirlo's beard.

Image Source: Biso

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Ryanair announces new cabin layout

Ryanair announced today that they will be switching over the seating arrangement on their 737 fleet. The new proposed seating arrangement will allow for up to 292 people to fit comfortably inside the cabin. 

"In a time of stiff competition in the low cost airline industry, we have to be creative with our seating arrangements," said a RyanAir spokesperson. "Our new arrangement nearly doubles the amount of people that can fit about our aircraft. I think people will enjoy the change."

Images released at the press conference showed how the new cabin will be laid out. All seats will be removed to allow for "lay down" passenger seating. Additionally, more seats will be added by reconfiguring the luggage racks. RyanAir claims that the new seats will have the most legroom compared to all of the other low cost airlines. This additional seating and removal of luggage rack however now requires all passengers to check their carry on luggage.

The new seating plans in the cabin

"We see this as a way to make our fares even cheaper, give our passengers more comfort, and save the environment by consuming less fuel by having to run less flights."

Some costumers were excited for the change, as they will now have the legroom they always wanted, while others were upset that they now had to pay to check their carry on luggage. However, the Ryanair spokesman has told us that the cost of checked luggage will be included in the price of the new, cheaper tickets that they plan to sell.

The transition will be happening over the month of July as the fleet will be retrofitted.

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IOC to FIFA: Our opening ceremony will be worse

Following the breathtakingly-miserable performance at the opening ceremony for the 2014 World Cup this Thursday, the IOC has announced that their opening ceremony will be worse.

"I've seen some miserable opening ceremonies before," said an IOC spokesman, "but ours for the 2016 Olympics will be a lot worse."

It will be hard to match the quality of performance exhibited in São Paulo, but the IOC promises that there will be more people in tree costumes, random people dancing around uncoordinated, along with mediocre American pop singers who cannot lip sync.

"All of that and many more surprises! 2016 will have the worst opening ceremony of any sporting event ever!"

Many of the stadiums built for the World Cup will be used for the 2016 Olympics.
(Image source: http://www.copa2014.gov.br/)

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General Motors unveils testing program for new Chevy Silverado

General Motors today has released information regarding the field testing of it's new Chevrolet Silverado. Dubbed the "Blingerado", the 2015 Special Edition model is made entirely of gold.

"We feel that we must be innovative to keep competitive in the American automotive market," said a GM spokesmen. "Prior to the bailouts, we began designing a new Silverado to appeal to the emerging affluent American. We've kept our commitment to the design and now stand stronger than ever after our recovery."

One of the prototypes displayed at the New York Autoshow

Nearly all the parts on the new Silverado will be made from gold. As such, it will weigh significantly more than a normal Silverado, which is normally 5000 pounds. The new "Blingerado" will have a curb weight of  6.2 tons due to the fact that gold is nearly 3 times denser than carbon steel. Some testing has been done to explore the truck's performance, revealing that the truck was prone to dents. Impact testing caused an entire truck to turn into a giant ingot.

The truck was initially expected to retail for around $150 million, but due to rising gold prices, GM says that the truck will now to retail for around $260 million. Several tons of gold were purchased back in 2008 for the initial 10 prototypes at around $700/oz.

Analysts report that the gold used to build the trucks was initially written off as depreciation. Now that gold is worth $1270/oz, GM is sitting ontop of over $2.5 billion in unreported assets. GM stock is expected to rise significantly on news of this development.

Although average Americans are unable to afford such an expense, the trucks are expected to be a hit with the upper class, especially those in the "1%". So far, Donald Trump and Trinidad James have both expressed interest in purchasing a "Blingerado". If the "Blingerado" sells well, GM says plans are in the works for a gold Tahoe and Camaro. GM expects to roll out the final design of the Silverado to showrooms by November 2014.

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