French National Team Manager to Nigerian Manager: "Go back to Africa"

Following the finale of the France versus Nigeria match in the round of 16, it has been reported that the banter exchanged between the two managers was not so friendly. Reporters from the field state that Didier Deschamps has been quoted saying these menacing words to Nigerian manager Stephen Keshi.

"Prenez votre équipe à la maison et nous vous verrons dans quatre ans."

Which roughly translates to "Take your team back to Africa."

Image Source: mustapha_ennaimi

There is no word if FIFA will be opening a case to investigate this possible act of racism.

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FIFA ruling on Suarez bite -- allowed to play on certain conditions

After review of the Luis Suárez biting incident during the Uruguay - Italy matchup on June 24, FIFA has decided to allow Suárez to play out the rest of the World Cup matches, with several stipulations. This has enraged both the world and Italian soccer community, who are calling his suspension.

"We cannot allow this animal to plague our community... influence the younger generation. He needs to be put down immediately!"

"Whoever thought of this punishment must really like Michael Vick," said an American.

Suarez will not be allowed to eat Italian food for at least a year.

The stipulations to Suárez's punishment are as follows:

1) Suárez will be fined $500,000, which will be distributed among FIFA officials, referees, and local animal shelters in Italy.

2) Suárez must wear a mask similar to that worn by character Hannibal Lecter in "Silence of the Lambs" for the duration of the Cup.

3) Suárez will not be allowed to eat Italian food for 1 year.

We imagine Suarez's goal celebrations to be more morbid for the rest of the World Cup.

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The 7 Best Afros of the World Cup

Aside from the many surprises during the games of the 2014 World Cup, it also brought us many many players with unique hairstyles. From the African players styling mohawks to the Asian players going Super Saiyan, the hair is out there. Poopbus would like to acknowledge the select group of players who chose to grow out their hair long and bushy. Here are some of our favorite fros.

1) Marouane Fellaini -- Belgium

The classic afro, let's just hope Belgium doesn't win the World Cup so Fellaini keeps his hair.

Image Source: Erik Drost

2) Guillermo Ochoa -- Mexico

Ochoa likes to keep his business up front and party out of the back (of the net).

3) Marcelo -- Brasil

When Marcelo isn't knocking goals past his own keeper, he likes to style his doo.

4) Michael Bradley -- United States

Bradley's afro is one of the most mysterious, yet it never fails to draw attention from the crowds.

Image Source: Steindy

5) Dante -- Brasil

Dante has yet to make an appearance in these World Cup games,

leaving him more time to fix up his fro before the Finals.

Image Source: soccer.ru

6) Axel Witsel -- Belgium

A hairstyle inspired by his teammate Fellaini.

Image Source: Steindy

7) David Luis -- Brasil

White boy showing off his fro. It could use some work, but it's starting to get somewhere.

Image Source: Agência Brasil

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Clint Dempsey to wear eyepatch in match versus Portugal

The captain of the USA Men's National Team, Clint Dempsey, has announced he'll be wearing an eyepatch in his next contest versus Portugal. News of the decision comes days after suffering a broken nose in Team USA's first match against Ghana.

"I didn't want to wear a facemask because it doesn't look manly at all," said Dempsey. "However, an eyepatch will provide all the protection my face needs and it makes me look like a badass at the same time."

"...I'm coming for you, Ronaldo..."

The manager, Jürgen Klinsmann, tried to reason with Dempsey.

"We tried to talk him out of wearing that silly thing, but he just doesn't understand. This isn't a video game where an eyepatch gives you facial armor! Now he won't be able to see out of that eye either! How is he going to shoot with 1 eye and 1 nostril?"

The USA faces off against Portugal in their second game in Manaus on Sunday at 6:00PM Eastern Time.

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The 4 Dirtiest Beards of the World Cup

Continuing the Poopbus.com coverage of the 2014 FIFA World Cup, we bring you a list of some of the dirtiest beards we've witnessed during the World Cup games. Someone hand these guys a razor so they can look like Lionel Messi or any of the pretty boys on the German National Team.
1) Luis Gustavo -- Brasil

His beard makes him look like the kind of guy who can sell you something on the street corner.

Image Source: Agência Brasil

2) Georgios Samaras -- Greece

What happened Greece? Can your country not afford proper shaving equipment after going bankrupt?

Image Source: Steindy

3) Rui Patrício -- Portugal

Portugal's keeper needs to keep more than the ball in check.

Image Source: soccer.ru

4) Andrea Pirlo -- Italy

Jesus died and resurrected in the form of Pirlo's beard.

Image Source: Biso

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Ryanair announces new cabin layout

Ryanair announced today that they will be switching over the seating arrangement on their 737 fleet. The new proposed seating arrangement will allow for up to 292 people to fit comfortably inside the cabin. 

"In a time of stiff competition in the low cost airline industry, we have to be creative with our seating arrangements," said a RyanAir spokesperson. "Our new arrangement nearly doubles the amount of people that can fit about our aircraft. I think people will enjoy the change."

Images released at the press conference showed how the new cabin will be laid out. All seats will be removed to allow for "lay down" passenger seating. Additionally, more seats will be added by reconfiguring the luggage racks. RyanAir claims that the new seats will have the most legroom compared to all of the other low cost airlines. This additional seating and removal of luggage rack however now requires all passengers to check their carry on luggage.

The new seating plans in the cabin

"We see this as a way to make our fares even cheaper, give our passengers more comfort, and save the environment by consuming less fuel by having to run less flights."

Some costumers were excited for the change, as they will now have the legroom they always wanted, while others were upset that they now had to pay to check their carry on luggage. However, the Ryanair spokesman has told us that the cost of checked luggage will be included in the price of the new, cheaper tickets that they plan to sell.

The transition will be happening over the month of July as the fleet will be retrofitted.

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IOC to FIFA: Our opening ceremony will be worse

Following the breathtakingly-miserable performance at the opening ceremony for the 2014 World Cup this Thursday, the IOC has announced that their opening ceremony will be worse.

"I've seen some miserable opening ceremonies before," said an IOC spokesman, "but ours for the 2016 Olympics will be a lot worse."

It will be hard to match the quality of performance exhibited in São Paulo, but the IOC promises that there will be more people in tree costumes, random people dancing around uncoordinated, along with mediocre American pop singers who cannot lip sync.

"All of that and many more surprises! 2016 will have the worst opening ceremony of any sporting event ever!"

Many of the stadiums built for the World Cup will be used for the 2016 Olympics.
(Image source: http://www.copa2014.gov.br/)

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General Motors unveils testing program for new Chevy Silverado

General Motors today has released information regarding the field testing of it's new Chevrolet Silverado. Dubbed the "Blingerado", the 2015 Special Edition model is made entirely of gold.

"We feel that we must be innovative to keep competitive in the American automotive market," said a GM spokesmen. "Prior to the bailouts, we began designing a new Silverado to appeal to the emerging affluent American. We've kept our commitment to the design and now stand stronger than ever after our recovery."

One of the prototypes displayed at the New York Autoshow

Nearly all the parts on the new Silverado will be made from gold. As such, it will weigh significantly more than a normal Silverado, which is normally 5000 pounds. The new "Blingerado" will have a curb weight of  6.2 tons due to the fact that gold is nearly 3 times denser than carbon steel. Some testing has been done to explore the truck's performance, revealing that the truck was prone to dents. Impact testing caused an entire truck to turn into a giant ingot.

The truck was initially expected to retail for around $150 million, but due to rising gold prices, GM says that the truck will now to retail for around $260 million. Several tons of gold were purchased back in 2008 for the initial 10 prototypes at around $700/oz.

Analysts report that the gold used to build the trucks was initially written off as depreciation. Now that gold is worth $1270/oz, GM is sitting ontop of over $2.5 billion in unreported assets. GM stock is expected to rise significantly on news of this development.

Although average Americans are unable to afford such an expense, the trucks are expected to be a hit with the upper class, especially those in the "1%". So far, Donald Trump and Trinidad James have both expressed interest in purchasing a "Blingerado". If the "Blingerado" sells well, GM says plans are in the works for a gold Tahoe and Camaro. GM expects to roll out the final design of the Silverado to showrooms by November 2014.

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The Cheapest Possible Housing in the San Francisco Bay Area

If you've ever tried to find a place to live in San Francisco, you might have noticed that it's incredibly expensive to find housing anywhere for a reasonable price. Due to the tech boom, the Bay Area now has one of the highest costs of living in the United States. Rent and housing prices have skyrocketed as tech worker salaries have increased and area cities have barred new housing developments.

As nearly impossible as it is to find a good place to live at a reasonable price in the city, we have found ways to find the absolute cheapest housing in San Francisco. These are the secrets that the greedy landlords do not want you to know.

The Mission District is one of the most popular places to live in San Francisco. But if you've tried looking for a suitable apartment, you might have noticed that they run in excess of $3000/month! That's a lot of coffee from the organic, free-trade, locally roasted coffee shop on the corner! What if there was a way to live in the Mission District without having to pay a dime in rent?

Meet the Rent Free SF movement. The movement, started by several college educated young adults, has established tent cities around the city. We took a visit to the tent city in the Mission District to ask how the living experience was.

"I love living here," said Adriana Macentyre. "I moved to SF about 2 weeks ago to start my new job as a barista at the coffee shop on Harrison Street. The wages are a lot higher here than San Leandro! I only needed to stop drinking coffee for 2 days to scrape together enough funds to buy my tent. I didn't want to have to commute as I don't have my drivers license and BART takes too long. Now I can afford to go to the same thrift shops my friends go to!"

"Tenderloin was an absolute mess," said Harold Newmeyer. "I had my shoes stolen the night I moved in. Now over here in the Mission District, that never happens (Harold was not wearing any shoes during this interview). Everyone here is so happy, it's almost like they are on drugs or something. Despite the occasional naked dude running around the place, I like it here better."

"I was paying half of the $5000 a month of the studio I was sharing with my 5 friends on Nob Hill," said Jillian Faller. "My dad stopped giving me money to live there so now we all live in the tents. He keeps telling me to get a job, but no one here appreciates my Art Deco Studies degree. But I got to say it's like we're camping every single day!"

Live free in San Francisco!
(Image Source: Jack Newton)

The group has not been without it's problems. Minor crime occurs within the tent cities, the most prolific being theft. Common items stolen include shoes, articles of clothing, gourd water bottles, and Macbook Pros. Several of the founders have left the tents as they "liked living homeless before it was cool." Mayor Lee has yet to make a statement on the group's existence, but landlords everywhere have been lobbying for the removal of the tents. The tents are expected to remain for a while though, as the locals seem to approve of their existence.

It's time to stop searching for the best deals on a deluxe studio. Stop bitchin and start pitchin! Live rent free today!

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College Girls realizing that they "Just Can't"

There is a new epidemic spreading throughout the nation affecting local college girls. Although not officially named anything yet, it's being referred to as "Just Can't" syndrome. Local college girls everywhere are being warned, as symptoms can appear at any moment without warning. This new epidemic is said to be even worse than being considered "basic". Although the syndrome is known to target those who are considered "basic" by their peers, individuals affected are likely to exhibit side effects such being incapable of leaving the house and not being able to function without the help of another person. These side effects primarily range from being "white girl wasted" and "too hung over from last night" to not being being able to take care of oneself.

Sometimes life just hits you like a freight train... other times it might be the liquor.
Image Source

If you think you could be at risk, common signs of "Just Can't" syndrome include:

• Not being able to pick out a pair of shoes: "So many shoes in my closet...I just can't."
• Unable to decide what to eat when 'hangry': "I'm just too hungry to make a decision... I just can't." 
• Can't decide which guy to date: "I just can't decide whether I want to be with David or John, so I guess I'll date both of them."
• Too lazy to do minor tasks: "No, I can't just hand you the remote, that would require me to actually sit up slightly and I just can't."

If you or anyone you know has been exhibiting any of the symptoms listed above or could be at risk, contact your physician immediately and seek care. Nobody wants to wait hand and foot on someone who just can't.

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