Activision announces new Call of Duty title-- setting to deviate from all other CoD games

Activision announced it's newest Call of Duty title today, Call of Duty: Da Hood. In collaboration with Treyarch, the newest game is unlike any other Call of Duty title to date. The game's story will take place in early 1990s Los Angeles circling the events around the time of the 1992 Los Angeles riots. Treyarch tells us that campaign will...

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Facebook Inc. to acquire Facebook Inc.

In a long line of acquisitions this past year, Facebook Inc. announced their latest purchase earlier today: themselves. In a stock buyback deal, Mark Zuckerberg and several top executives in the company will purchase all of the publicly held shares and become a private company once again. Zuckerberg announced that the company will be split...

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Arizona Diamondbacks offer pitching contract to 50 Cent

The Arizona Diamondbacks are seeking to sign 50 Cent as a new relief pitcher. After throwing out the first pitch before the Mets-Pirates game at Citi Field on Sunday, Curtis Jackson has been taking a lot of heat from fans for throwing "one of the worst first pitches in history". However, scouts for the Diamondbacks and manager Kirk Gibson...

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Soundtrack from Disney's "Frozen" Used in Effort to Reduce School Violence

In light of the recent spike in mass murders across the country, especially in places of education, the US Department of Homeland Security has created a new subdivision directed with the placation of America's youth. The new Department of the Innovative Correction of Kids has undertook a massive effort to permeate the musical market with...

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Blue food coloring used to "Keep Tahoe Blue"

Documents seized in raids conducted by the FDA in the Lake Tahoe area have revealed numerous stockpiles of blue food dye being stored in the area. Investigators were called to the scene when residents noticed members of the environmental group "Keep Tahoe Blue" transporting barrels filled with a powdery blue substances to different warehouses...

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Alarming pesticide usage causes vapor from squirting orange peels to ignite

Be careful when handling oranges. Recent viral videos are appearing showing people squeezing orange peels and igniting the vapor that comes out of them. Due to the immunity that invasive insects and weeds have gained to traditional pesticides and herbicides over the last decade, farmers have had to use new chemicals and more of them to keep...

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Variant of "Knockout Game" targets those with nose piercings

A warning to all those who have a pierced septum: a new form of the "knockout game" is gaining popularity in US cities. Now unofficially known as "Grabbing the Bull", several attacks have been reported in the San Francisco Bay area, Portland, Seattle, and other major metropolitan areas. The object of the game is simple, according to bystanders...

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How many days should you wait before eating your bagel? -- Exclusive Interview

The bagel has been part of a delicious breakfast for decades. But how old should your bagel be before you bite into it? We brought in Bernie Hughes, owner of Hughes Bagels in Chicago and Marty Goldman, a finance director in Newark, NJ to weigh in on the question. Poopbus: "Welcome to Poopbus, Bernie and Marty, it's a pleasure to have...

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"Drinko de Mayo" replaces "Cinco de Drinko" as second most celebrated holiday in May

Recent polls show that "Cinco de Drinko" is no longer the second most celebrated holiday in May. Previously second to Memorial Day*, "Cinco de Drinko" has lost the #2 spot to "Drinko de Mayo". "Drinko de Mayo", literally meaning "May of Drinking", has gained popularity over the former holiday as it lasts the whole month of May instead...

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Clippers, Kings see huge spike in apparel sales. Offer jersey trade-in deal to new fans.

Los Angeles -- As the Los Angeles Kings and Los Angeles Clippers have improved their season performances in the last 2 years, the TEAM LA store at the Staples Center has seen thousands of dollars in increased jersey sales. A poll taken by team store staff indicated that many of the Kings and Clippers jersey sales were made to former Los...

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Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 actually an underwater base prototype

Officials at Boeing admitted yesterday that the 777-200ER used in Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 is still operational. The aircraft's disappearance in March was part of a test to see if a new experimental underwater base could be possible. The 777 was modified to withstand pressures that can be found on the bottom of the seafloor. Although...

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Clippers owner Donald Sterling offered new job

After being banned from the NBA due to racist remarks, Clippers owner Donald Sterling was given an offer by the United States government. If he chooses to sell the Clippers, government officials say that President Barack Obama will appoint him as of Director of ICE. ICE, short for United States Immigration and Customs Enforcement, has been...

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UC Berkeley Announces Progressive "Eighth" System

In a recent statement released by chancellor Nicholas B. Dirks, University of California Berkeley will be undergoing a change that all of its students will learn to cherish.  After realizing the efficiency and superiority of the rest of UC's quarter system, innovative and progressive UC Berkeley decided to take the leap from semesters...

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Part 3 of The Hobbit to be split into 5 movies

Peter Jackson has announced that he will be splitting the final movie of The Hobbit series, "The Battle of Five Armies", into five separate full-length feature films. Jackson and Newline Cinema agreed to make the split after Jackson cited a need for more screen time. "There was a lot of good footage we took that we didn't want to go to...

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Elon Musk to build "Iron Man" suit

Billionaire Elon Musk has secretly been developing an "Iron Man" suit for the past 6 years. The eccentric CEO of Telsa and SpaceX has been compared to fictional character Tony Stark by multiple news outlets in the past. Now he plans to make Stark's alter ego his reality. After seeing the hit film in theaters back in 2008, Musk began developing...

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Fans of Rap Music Videos more likely to "Pimp their Ride"

A new study has been released by researchers at the University of Phoenix. The study shows that those who frequently watch rap music videos, especially those from 1990s artists, are more likely to "pimp out" their vehicle. A total of 400 people from the LA metro area between ages 18 and 40 were selected for the study. Subjects who watched...

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Suspect in solar plant arson case arrested

CHP officers have arrested Dr. Ivan A. Burnett, a technician at the newly opened Ivanpah Solar Power Facility. The solar plant, located 40 miles away from Las Vegas, is under investigation for being the source of the fire that occurred in the 8000 block of W Russell Rd in Las Vegas. Witnesses say that the fire started when a directed beam...

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Dr. Dre poised to expand philanthropic efforts after selling "Beats by Dre"

Hip hop icon and future billionaire Dr. Dre will start doing more philanthropic work once the sale of "Beats by Dre" to Apple Inc. is complete. His first plan of action is to giveback to the intercity community that raised him. Plans are on the drawing board to empower youth through urban farming, starting with his birthplace of Compton,...

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iPhone 7 to be significantly larger than previous generation models

Following the upward size trend from the previous iPhone models, the iPhone 7 will be bigger than any of its predecessors Apple representatives say. "We've decided to take the iPhone 7 to a much larger scale than previously imagined. With the overwhelming positive response we've gotten from the iPhone 5, we've decided to throwback our design...

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Do Fast Food places intentionally sell their spicy food cheap?

Nearly every fast food restaurant has a value/dollar/discount menu where they offer some small items or treats for cheap. For only being as cheap as $0.99, the profit margin is very small, if not negative. How are the restaurants supposed to make money? Enter the drink menu. Drinks have the largest profit margin of any item on a menu. Buying...

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Are Old People Breathing Your Air?

Yes, the world has plenty of O2 molecules floating around, but do old people deserve to take some of yours? Studies show that alveoli in geriatric citizens are up to 50 percent less effective than younger people (citation need). Do we need to shun inefficient lungs necessary similar to the way our society shuns inefficient cars...

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